I Stopped Helping With Homework

 

In our house the kids have to do their homework right away when they return from school.  For my third grader this means reading a few pages and answering about three questions.  For my fifth grader though, this can be an arduous process.  Offering help often adds to the frustration.  So, what can I do?  

Nothing. The most helpful thing I can do when it comes to homework is nothing.  Ok, you're thinking I'm crazy or lazy or both.  Hear me out though.  The first thing I do is make sure I give the kids a tasty snack before they begin their homework.  They can eat it all first or nibble while they work.  Then I make sure they are sitting at a table.  Preferably in close proximity.  They start working and I do nothing.  I don't turn on the T. V. , or tidy they house.  I simply say "let me know if you need my help".  Then I sit close by,  looking on (in a not creepy way).   I do ask if they need help, but mostly I do nothing until they are done. 

Why am I doing this?  I want them to ask for help. Asking for help is a key component to learning.  It may sound simple but its not.  First, they need to identify what it is they cannot do.  Then, they need to communicate that to me.  For example, they need to say, " I don't know what character traits are" or "I'm not sure which numbers to use from this word problem".   They have to get beyond, "I don't get it".  So waiting for them to ask is helping them develop the communication skills necessary for learning.  

Secondly,  I am training myself to stop helicoptering and showing them that I trust them.  As a teacher-mom, I easily get caught up with making sure they are following the steps or showing their work.  I want them to get it all right. Recently, I started asking myself if they really needed that though.  Kids are capable of developing their own strategies and systems; and they don't have to get it all right.  By taking a step back during homework time I am trying to send the message; "you've got this, mom knows you can do it".  My hope is that their confidence is growing.   

Lastly,  they are learning to persevere and gaining confidence.  My kids are pretty smart. They usually pick up things quickly.  But not always.  I want them to know when to push through a difficult task and know when to ask for help.   They need to know that they can do hard things and learn to trust themselves.  By doing nothing and waiting for them to ask me for help,  they are in control.  They decide when they have reached their limit.  They decide when they need help.  

Once the homework is complete I check it.  So what if they got it all wrong?  To be honest that has only happened once.  I was able to stay calm  and not freak out.  I simply explained what was wrong and showed my little one how to do it correctly.  Yes, he was a little upset, but he corrected it quickly and went on his way.  Usually I find one or two errors.  When I give feedback I always start with a compliment on how well they did before pointing out a mistake.  I choose my words carefully.  I might say. "look at number 4 again" or  " I noticed a mistake on number 4, let's look at together."  

Since starting this new system, homework time has been pretty low key.  It usually takes about 30 min to complete.  I definitely feel more relaxed and I think the kids do too.  Have I finally tamed the homework monster?